Thursday, April 21, 2011

Blah, blah, cancer. Let me talk about what's really important--

Two movies--totally unrelated.  Which should you watch?

Okay, so these movies have nothing in common.  I really just wanted to talk about them and you're going to listen.  Why?  Because I have cancer, that's why!
Last night in bed I was haunted by the memory of the movie Trucks, a Canadian re-make of the movie Maximum Overdrive which was BASED ON...oh yeah...a Stephen King novel.  I kept lying there in bed trying to remember the movie (which I mixed up a little in my head with the early 1970's movie Duel) and just hissing "Truuuucks...TRUUUUCCCKKS!"  
Well, I finally figured out that I watched this movie once in my October horror sweep to be pleasantly surprised at its satisfying ridiculousness.  It stars the always affable Timothy Busfield, who, along with a rag-tag group of small town citizens, tries to stop these killer trucks from destroying everything.  Almost everything that happens in this movie can be described as happening "for some reason."  This delightfully poor writing is much like dreams you have where, for some reason, you're talking to Tom Selleck and then, for some reason, you're in school doing a book report on The Red Pony (Hmmph, Red SUCKY more like!).  So, for some reason (possibly aliens, maybe a comet...possibly a toxic spill), trucks become sentient and start killing mostly everyone except Timothy Busfield (who works at the gas station for some reason) and his son.  No one can figure out why the trucks are evil, but they are remarkably difficult to circumvent and may use human blood as diesel fuel.  For some reason.  Conspiracy theories...Timothy Busfield!...TRUCKS!
But, if you're not into TRUCKS! then I'll give you the real deal: a 1983 miniseries called CHIEFS.  It is honestly the best miniseries I've ever seen--certainly on par with The Thorn Birds or Roots.  The plot: three generations of CHIEFS in a small town try to uncover a string of brutal sexually motivated homicides perpetrated by a villain with a name so ridiculous it could only have been written by Carolyn Keene.  Foxy Funderburke.  I think there was actually a character by that name in a Nancy Drew book.  Anyhoo, amidst changing times, racial tension and corruption, each CHIEF slowly figures out that Foxy Funderburke is: 1) a weird name, 2) a weird loner with a lumpy pile of hay in his yard shaped like multiple bodies, and 3) played by Keith Carradine.  I won't give anything away...but Billy Dee Williams is the best CHIEF.
So, which will it be?  TRUUUUCKKKS? Or CHIEFS?  
Unless you say: "Both!  For the love of God, BOTH!" your answer is irrelevant


  1. You got me so excited that I planned a whole night around this post, a night that will never be. In the future, please reference only trashy movies that I can access on Netflix so I am not left with this burning disappointment of being out on an in joke.

    Please and thanks,
    Bruce Pontiac