Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Borderline Results Are Giving Me Borderline Personality Disorder

Sorry for lapsing on the blog, but I've been going a bit crazy waiting for test results.  Today, I got one big piece of info--my Oncotype score (measures rate of recurrance and response to chemo).  the way it works for my kind of cancer is: you get low risk--no chemo.  High risk= chemo.  Intermediate means--you guessed it--maybe.  I am an 18 which is quite literally the cusp between low and intermediate. (Oncotype says 18 is the "on the fence" number) This means that some oncologists would consider me in the low risk group and some in the intermediate.
Seriously, WTF?!  I know I'm all "lucky" with my well-behaved low-grade tumor but this is still a coin toss and I am not a gambler.  I don't even like gambling for cheap stuffed animals.  
I take this as good news--I am not high risk--but at the same time I am pulling out my hair over this.  Perhaps if I pull all of it out I should just do chemo anyway.
This is my first unfunny post but it's an update.  I just don't really know how to take any of this.  Everyone around me is happy for me and I guess I just wish I could be happy for myself too.

1 comment:

  1. we feel happy, not lucky, because the score is what the score is...and NOT a score that is pissy and wrong and furtherly unjust (new word, yes)