Friday, May 13, 2011

EXPOSED: what they don't tell you about having the knocker scourge...


Remember that time in our early 20's, when a genuine worry was that someone would find the nude picture we took of ourselves?
Okay, I don't either.  But that sounds like a hilarious and sitcom-y incident that could happen to some hip girl in her early 20's.  Little did I know that, along with the advertised adverse effects from cancer treatment, that being made an unwitting part of some kind of medical peep show was part of it.

Here's something they don't tell you when you start radiation: they give you a treatment binder in which you will likely carry around a topless picture of yourself, a fact that could have easily made me the most popular girl on the block when I dropped my binder yesterday.  I had to scramble around, clumsily snatching up the printed photos of Leela and Mulan, all the while thinking of how humiliating it would be if my house-mates (or god forbid the landlords!) found these grainy black and white pictures of boobs with my name on it. Yeah.  Survey says awkward.
And here's another thing!  When they tell you about the fatigue, the burning skin, and all those clinical effects, what they don't tell you is that the number of people who will see (and poke at) your breasts is multiplied by like 1000%.  It's like you're some kind of accidental ho. 
CANCER HO! 
Just in the last 2 days, like 6 different people have touched an area I could safely refer to as part of my "special bathing suit region."  I'm like the Jenna Jameson of cancer.  My mother kindly suggested that I start charging to cover the co-pay.  Because when life gives you breast cancer, you...make lemonade?

1 comment:

  1. should a father be reading this?

    ReplyDelete