Monday, May 2, 2011

Laundromats: Clean Clothes, Dirty People

There are many ways in which the media lies to us.  Disney convinces women that a Prince Charming is around every corner. News reports air only the most sensationalized reports, leading us to believe that our life is in danger (unless you buy our sponsored products!).  The most damning lie, however, is about laundromats.   If you believe Hollywood, the laundromat is one huge network of meet-cute possibilities.  Evidently, the laundromat is a place to chat, write the great American novel, eat frogurt, and fall in love.
I must sadly tell those of you who have never been to a laundromat, or who may even be signing up for a laundromat dating service as we speak...this is simply not true.
The laundromat is quite simply a place for people who can't afford to live somewhere where they can do laundry alone.  It is truly akin to being an animal forced to do his business in a litter box while the whole world watches.  
It is a mix of twenty-to-thirty somethings, tired parents with small children, and the absolute dregs of society.  People rarely look you in the eye--even an otherwise normal person becomes guarded and socially withdrawn at the laundromat.  Even when I went to do laundry with a friend, we had to leave in order to have a real conversation as the poor lighting, screaming child and phlegm-hacking patrons weren't exactly conducive to a girls' day out.
So, why glamorize the laundromat?  Is there a secret laundromat agenda?  Are we all part of an as-yet-to-be-developed reality show about suckers who have to do their laundry in public?
I don't know about you, but even if I were single the last place I'd look for love is a laundromat.  First of all (at least for girls), you're probably wearing a tattered old laundry outfit that consists of, like, stirrup pants and a sweatshirt with dancing bears.  This is not a man-catcher.  Second of all, even though there might be a semi-attractive person at some point in the laundromat, the odds of a hobo proposing to you are MUCH higher.  And, finally, you would be essentially exposing all of your stained granny-panties, Spanx and otherwise embarrassing items to a potential mate.
Stop the lies, movies and TV!  Move on to a place where a person has a decent shot at love, like a unisex public bathroom.  That's right--I think a unisex public bathroom would be a more likely place to find a date.
Just a word to the wise...

1 comment:

  1. LIES! I refuse to believe that "Dr. Horrible" is anything but 100% factually accurate.