Thursday, June 16, 2011

Stop Torturing Me, Google Images!


As many of you know, I am now in my sixth week of radiation.  The home stretch.  The good news is I have less than 2 weeks left.  The bad news is those cumulative side effects they mentioned are definitely rearing their ugly heads.  Not only am I exhausted, but I've got some strange burns that resemble what might happen if I went to Raging Waters (there's some kind of hole in the ozone right above Raging Waters--you all know it) for the day and put 100 spf sunblock on EVERY part of my body but one. 

So, because I seek the council of Dr. Internet from time to time--just to make sure this is all normal--I look up "radiation treatment burns" on Google images.  And then I am bombarded with scary images!  If Google images is telling the truth, I will soon look like I've been stuck at Raging Waters covered in nuclear waste for 12 DAYS IN THE SUN.  Noooooo!

Then I remember the time I looked up "red bump under arm" in Google images to see if this thing I had was normal and it came up with a barrage of images of genital and rectal warts (note to audience--if you're ever thinking of casually looking up "ass warts" on Google images to see what comes up--DON'T).  They only show the most horrific disgusting pictures.  So, if you look up "melanoma" you will NOT simply see a weird-looking mole.  You will see triple necrotising fasciitis of the face.  Looking up a slightly infected cut?  Quadruple staph-infected necrotising fasciitis.  Possibly of the groin.
If you don't believe me, read this public service announcement:
.............
Did you know that up to 83% of people who attempted to search for a Google image of something they found on their butt will either have a massive coronary from shock or spend up to $1000 in unnecessary medical bills?  True story.
You may be home one night, in front of your laptop, glass of Pinot Grigio in one hand thinking: "I wonder who else has this funky skin discoloration?"  You might even feel curious enough to type "funky skin discoloration" into a Google images search box.  What harm could it possibly do?
Well, I'm here to tell you--there are CONSEQUENCES to your image search.  
Don't Google that thing on your butt.




The more you know (doo doo DOO DOOOOOO!)

2 comments:

  1. Also, "don't smother your kids."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Grig?

    Also, who knew that ass warts were such a pervase pox on society?

    ReplyDelete