Monday, September 5, 2011

Shit List #3: Celebrities Who Look Like Hobos

You see, I know what it's like.  You forgot to get granola bars (or, if you're a celebrity...like, wheat grass or lemon for your cleanse).  You think: Ralph's is just down the street; I could just throw on some sweats and no one would notice.  I can see that.  So, when I see a lone photo of Cameron Diaz in gauchos and Uggs in the Fashion Police segment, I feel bad because she probably just wanted some gluten-free carb-lite pasta.
The celebrities who CHOOSE to go out and pose looking like hobos, however, are a totally different situation.  
One of the biggest offenders is Brad Pitt.  He goes out in his dread-locked beard, baggy clothes and beanies and what are we supposed to think?  That you're SO famous that somehow you don't even have to try and look good?  You're just rubbing it in everyone's face!  
Another fashion perp is Mary Kate Olson, who is indistinguishable from a bag lady whenever she is out and about.  I've seen her wearing like twelve scarves and three belts at a time--something I used to see a lot--IN PSYCHIATRIC 72-HOUR LOCK-UP.  If I have to brush my hair every day to go out in public, so do you Mary Kate!
Finally, Rob Pattison needs to shave.  I realize that maybe he's publicity-shy and probably swarmed by teen girls (and 50 year-old women) everywhere he goes but the jig is up, R-Patz!  They know what you look like now.  So take a long hot shower, shave your patchy beard, and remove the bird's nest from your head.  If you want a disguise, here's some advice that always works for me: Mustache-Glasses.  Works every time.
Maybe I need to stop reading so much Us Weekly.  Especially considering that the "Fashion Police" segment is also on my shit list.  Seriously, how do those people have writing jobs?  Anyhoo, hobo celebrities.  On my shit list.